I’m home now. I’m so sleepy but you know that feeling that you get when you think you’re just gonna waste your free time by sleeping? There. We went to the Supreme Court today. As expected, it did give me the chills. 5-6 years from now would I be there? Would I be seeing those court rooms and those benches? Who knows, right. I look forward to the future not that I am not enjoying my present that much but.. Simply because I feel like I have so many things ahead of me.
I saw him, yes. I really didn’t think about him nor the argument we had yesterday. My point was simple. His decision was his responsibility. I didn’t even like the thought of him getting E-cig. I know some of you guys (if there’s any) won’t understand me. Well, simply put. I seriously dont like smoking. I don’t get the point. I don’t get.. why. I met him halfway. I felt like I had no choice. I felt like I was being unfair. So I said yes. But the thing is, he made a promise. At the very beginning, he was so confident that I need not to worry because there’s no Nicotine w the juice he’s using. So yeah, I believed and held on to that for I think 3 months already. Not sure though. Yesterday, while we were on the car, I saw the juice & immediately, my attention was gotten because of the “Low Nicotine” label on it. Well, he told me he “didn’t” know. Do I believe him? Maybe yes, maybe no. I don’t know. I don’t know if I should still believe nor trust. I hate it when we argue about the same thing over and over again. If he values me and the things I say to him, there’s no need for take twos. And honestly, he can’t blame me why I’m doubting things. You were able to do it once. You lied. I don’t know how many times. So I gotta be careful. Once trust is broken, it’s hard to believe on things in an instant.
I actually have a exam in Negbank tomorrow. I’m feeling sick and I feel like I seriously need a rest. I read my previous posts in this blog. It’s really funny how times flies. It’s been almost 2 months after we had the talk. I couldn’t believe that things are really getting better. I know the future will always have uncertainties. I am very well aware of that. I know this thing between me and you can be temporary. I know there will be changes. It’s just that I can’t help but to be grateful because lately I’ve been a witness myself of how other relationships are. We’ve proven that there are no perfect relationships. You just have to embrace what you have and just for the best. Just like what I always say. I promise.. for as long as you are trying, I’m staying.
I would never forget this date. Bittersweet. I’ve never been that calm and happy. I love you Don Magcanlas. Now, I am so sure that I am yours and you are mine. Thank you. Maybe I do believe in relationships after all. It was too good to be true.
I want to be so open to you about almost everything. I want to share my happiness as well as sadness.. But how can I do that mum? As simple as this, an outing… You aren’t even interested in hearing the stories and updates about it at all.
I am just here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up on us. I know sometimes I feel like the world is not on our side. That our timing is wrong. I know you are giving up already. But I will never ever give up on you nor give up on us. Our story is not a typical story, in fact it’s a crazy one. Until now I can’t believe that we are here now. That you are with me. I’m juts hoping that you still have the strength to hold on because I have always believed in us. Goodnight.
I’m so happy you came in my life. I know we are kinda starting over again and I’m loving it. Thank you for loving me even at days when don’t deserve it.
P.S. Can you at least remove them? I really don’t like seeing them every time we Skype/ FaceTime or Oovoo. I don’t know if you’re that insensitive enough not to notice that I hate it.
I’m talking to him right now. I feel like I don’t know him anymore. And I’m quite sure he knows me no better too. I am afraid. What if this is it? What if this is the end? I want him to call me right now and say how much he loves me. If he does. I want him to be with me right now. I want to hug him to make up for the days I haven’t seen him. I want to smell his armpits. I surely miss doing all those.
When he asked me last night if there was even a time I thought of him for the past few days. I know I wasn’t able to express myself very much. I would’ve told you how all of a sudden I’d just remember you out of the blue even by just seeing ice cream or eating mangoes. I know I kinda don’t make sense anymore. I’m feeling sick. Physically and moreover emotionally. I need you now. I know you can’t really see this but.. if it’s possible.. I hope there will be a way for you to know what I feel right now.
I need to finish this paper but for now, I’m taking a break. He just told me a while ago he’s going with Anna to study. Is that all there’s to it? Well, I know we’re not in good terms. I know this has been an issue ever since and I seriously want this to stop. But how? I know she’s his bestfriend and all that. You can’t really blame me for being so sensitive about matter. How do you trust someone whole-heartedly? How will you know if that person is just fooling around? How do know if that person is serious about you?
We haven’t even had the DTR (define the relationship) talk. Friends asking me what-we-are that gives me the chills. I believe that labels aren’t necessary. I believe the bond that both people have defines the relationship. But basing on how things are now? More than half of my heart tells my mind that I want him to ask me if I want to have that talk. Now I’m doubting his love because of this. And from the bottom of my heart I don’t want to doubt. I’d be fooling myself if I say that I’m not waiting. Waiting for him to say those words. Waiting for him to prove it to me right in front of my face that he’s willing to go through everything for as long as I’m by his side.
The past few days I’ve been distant to him. A part of me wishes he’d take the initiative of making things better that it is. I do not want to be in the situation I was back then. I don’t want to fall out of love.