Monthly Archives: July 2012

Ignored

You know the feeling when you feel like you are talking to someone who doesn’t even see you? It sucks. I don’t really think anyone deserves to be treated that way.

Well, he is out. And as usual, I’m ignored. I only get to be recognized when a.) we just had a big fight so he feels like he needs to make up for it b.) well, I can’t think of any other things besides a so.. Never mind.

How do you learn to trust whole-heartedly if you always get or see something that makes you doubt? How do you live up with that? This is one of the main reasons why I think people need to use their minds more often than their hearts. I need not to learn the hard way.

Why do I have to feel such every time he is out with his friends? Why do girlfriends need to feel and experience such often? I have so many things to ask! Boys boys boys

Whenever you’re near

As I look into your eyes right now.. I can’t help but to feel safe. That feeling of stillness lingers in me. This is really ewwy but I think that’s the truth. It sill scares me up to now but when you asked me that question last night, I felt relieved. Not because you were worried what if, but I then felt I wasn’t worrying alone. Frankly speaking, I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know what to say to you. You caught me off guard. But the thing is, you did make sense. Since there is nothing permanent in this world, I can suppose that this.. What we have, can be classified under those “temporary” things. How is it gonna be? The things we do.. The places we go to.. The memories we’ve shared. How is it gonna be? Will I be okay? Will you be okay? How do I face tomorrow knowing you’re already gone? It was comforting to hear you say those questions you had/ have had ever since. Now I’m sure, you’re in this too.

Jkjdgksdg

Taxinco Midterms was.. Blah :& I’m sure as hell I won’t be passing that exam. I feel so drained. I’m calling it a night

I wanna run away

I know you might say this is so petty but.. Oh well. I just feel like there’s a need for me to let things out. He hasn’t even texted yet. And it’s cool with me. I think so (?) Whenever we fight, instead of me dealing with the ‘fight’.. I can’t help but to think whether or not you are enjoying this. Do you even think of me? Do you even think of what I am thinking? Or you are enjoying this? Well.. it is obvious that you can do the things I am not comfortable with. It sucks to be in this situation every time, yknow. It doesn’t feel good. At all. 

Do I tell you? That I saw those pictures? Everytime I remember that day.. it makes me weak. I feel like I’m such a weakling. I don’t know if I should, don’t know why I shouldn’t. I know past is past but.. The thing is.. You haven’t deleted those pictures. What does that imply? What do you want me to think and feel? Are you keeping them because you still love her? I have so many questions in my mind. I don’t know what to do. I know I’ve been trying to run away from it. Yeah, ever since I saw those pictures. I can’t say I wish I didn’t see ’em. Atleast I know things right. I simply don’t know how to talk to you about this.

I do hope things will be better. I need to be brave. Can you help me? 

When it’s the same thing over & over again

I’m home now. I’m so sleepy but you know that feeling that you get when you think you’re just gonna waste your free time by sleeping? There. We went to the Supreme Court today. As expected, it did give me the chills. 5-6 years from now would I be there? Would I be seeing those court rooms and those benches? Who knows, right. I look forward to the future not that I am not enjoying my present that much but.. Simply because I feel like I have so many things ahead of me. 

I saw him, yes. I really didn’t think about him nor the argument we had yesterday. My point was simple. His decision was his responsibility. I didn’t even like the thought of him getting E-cig. I know some of you guys (if there’s any) won’t understand me. Well, simply put. I seriously dont like smoking. I don’t get the point. I don’t get.. why. I met him halfway. I felt like I had no choice. I felt like I was being unfair. So I said yes. But the thing is, he made a promise. At the very beginning, he was so confident that I need not to worry because there’s no Nicotine w the juice he’s using. So yeah, I believed and held on to that for I think 3 months already. Not sure though. Yesterday, while we were on the car, I saw the juice & immediately, my attention was gotten because of the “Low Nicotine” label on it. Well, he told me he “didn’t” know. Do I believe him? Maybe yes, maybe no. I don’t know. I don’t know if I should still believe nor trust. I hate it when we argue about the same thing over and over again. If he values me and the things I say to him, there’s no need for take twos. And honestly, he can’t blame me why I’m doubting things. You were able to do it once. You lied. I don’t know how many times. So I gotta be careful. Once trust is broken, it’s hard to believe on things in an instant. 

Calm Before The Storm

I actually have a exam in Negbank tomorrow. I’m feeling sick and I feel like I seriously need a rest. I read my previous posts in this blog. It’s really funny how times flies. It’s been almost 2 months after we had the talk. I couldn’t believe that things are really getting better. I know the future will always have uncertainties. I am very well aware of that. I know this thing between me and you can be temporary. I know there will be changes. It’s just that I can’t help but to be grateful because lately I’ve been a witness myself of how other relationships are. We’ve proven that there are no perfect relationships. You just have to embrace what you have and just for the best. Just like what I always say. I promise.. for as long as you are trying, I’m staying.