Monthly Archives: April 2012

You’re the Answer

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I’m so happy you came in my life. I know we are kinda starting over again and I’m loving it. Thank you for loving me even at days when don’t deserve it.

P.S. Can you at least remove them? I really don’t like seeing them every time we Skype/ FaceTime or Oovoo. I don’t know if you’re that insensitive enough not to notice that I hate it. :/

x

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SOS

I’m talking to him right now. I feel like I don’t know him anymore. And I’m quite sure he knows me no better too. I am afraid. What if this is it? What if this is the end? I want him to call me right now and say how much he loves me. If he does. I want him to be with me right now. I want to hug him to make up for the days I haven’t seen him. I want to smell his armpits. I surely miss doing all those.

When he asked me last night if there was even a time I thought of him for the past few days. I know I wasn’t able to express myself very much. I would’ve told you how all of a sudden I’d just remember you out of the blue even by just seeing ice cream or eating mangoes. I know I kinda don’t make sense anymore. I’m feeling sick. Physically and moreover emotionally. I need you now. I know you can’t really see this but.. if it’s possible.. I hope there will be a way for you to know what I feel right now.

I Have A Wish

I need to finish this paper but for now, I’m taking a break. He just told me a while ago he’s going with Anna to study. Is that all there’s to it? Well, I know we’re not in good terms. I know this has been an issue ever since and I seriously want this to stop. But how? I know she’s his bestfriend and all that. You can’t really blame me for being so sensitive about matter. How do you trust someone whole-heartedly? How will you know if that person is just fooling around? How do know if that person is serious about you?

We haven’t even had the  DTR (define the relationship) talk. Friends asking me what-we-are that gives me the chills. I believe that labels aren’t necessary. I believe the bond that both people have defines the relationship. But basing on how things are now? More than half of my heart tells my mind that I want him to ask me if I want to have that talk. Now I’m doubting his love because of this. And from the bottom of my heart I don’t want to doubt. I’d be fooling myself if I say that I’m not waiting. Waiting for him to say those words. Waiting for him to prove it to me right in front of my face that he’s willing to go through everything for as long as I’m by his side.

The past few days I’ve been distant to him. A part of me wishes he’d take the initiative of making things better that it is. I do not want to be in the situation I was back then. I don’t want to fall out of love.

Uncertainties

“Do you ever wish you could go back?” I’m currently watching 13 Going On 30. Day 1 of my one week vacation. Watching this movie made me realize so many things in life. I am hella scared. This is really not good. Will I be genuinely happy when I turn 25? Or 30? This is driving me insane.

 

Epitome of a Woman

Hi this is me, Gem. I am new to this thing so bear with me. I’ll do my very best to blog almost daily for I know it would help me in pouring out my emotions. At least here I wouldn’t mind to say what I truly feel. At least here beng honest isn’t such a big deal. At least here it’s quite impossible to hurt someone.

Today ended with a bang. I am so glad everything’s over now, well even just for a week. I am so glad we were able to present our Marketing Plan very well. And to top it all off, we got 98%. Going home wasn’t a waste after all. Oh and, I’ve got to have the best group mates ever. My classmates in Market1 are the best I’ve got other than my block mates.

But I can’t deny the fact that this 1-week break’s kinda ‘break’-ing my heart. I won’t get to see Don for days and that sucks. I feel like we’ve got a lot of catching up to do. I feel like I have missed a lot on him and so does he. I just hope things are still the same. I pray for the day to come that I’d be brave enough. I pray that I get that peace I’ve been longing for ever since. Maybe Ruby’s correct, or not. We’ll never know. The million dollar question is, “Does it ever cross his mind?” I do not want to make it sound like I got no thinking to do as well. What matters most for me now is consistency. I’m afraid of the what the future might bring. I’m afraid the feelings now wont be there tomorrow. I’m afraid to think that for example things don’t go well for us, I’d end up hating him.

I want him. I want him with all my heart. I’m just afraid what if he doesn’t. What ifs.. they will always be the death of me. As much as I don’t wanna think about it.. I can’t help but to think the reason why. Is it because the “love” isn’t enough yet? We haven’t even talked about ‘it’ ever. Are you willing to take the leap? Am I willing to take the leap?

I wanna be happy.. that will always and forever be my goal in life. I’m not afraid to say now that I wanna be happy with you. Do you feel the same way too? I really really hope you do. That’s all for now. Goodnight! xx

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There’s no constant thing in this world but change.

Change